I've shared before that my husband and I were incredibly blessed to have success with our first cycle of IVF. We had our nothing-short-of-a-miracle daughter in April of 2010, and every failed cycle since then has just reinforced what a gift she really is.

Well, Jocelyn is about to turn three in a few weeks and is becoming quite the conversationalist. I was completely caught off guard when I got home from my retrieval to hear her shout, "Mommy, did the doctor take all of your eggs out?" She's also quite the little eavesdropper because I definitely did not have that conversation with her.

Jocelyn has a really great group of playmates that we see pretty regularly, and all of them... all of them... now have little siblings--which leads to a natural question. "Mommy, where's my little sister?" It comes up often, and I usually respond, "We just have to keep asking God to give you a little brother or sister." Usually, Joss just accepts this answer, says okay, and hops/bounces/dances off to go play. 

Well, last night was a little different. After my usual response, Jocelyn said, "Let's call God." She ran into her playroom and came back with her little purple Fisher-Price phone, handed it to me, and said, "Here, Mommy; call Her and ask." I had to smile, especially because she referenced God as a woman (can you tell Mommy's a feminist?). But I also admired her sense of urgency. This is serious business. Get this God woman on the phone and demand some action!

I took her little phone and tried my best to have the conversation she was looking for. "Hi, God. It's Mommy and Daddy. We were just wondering if you could help us have a baby and let Jocelyn have a little brother or sister.... (pause)... Okay, you're going to try really hard to help us?... (pause)... Okay, then we should continue to pray and know that we are doing everything that we can? ...(pause)... Okay, we will. Thanks for your help, God. Take care."

Jocelyn seemed satisfied with the call, and in some ways, so did I. It gave me a chance to remind myself that I am doing everything that I can. I struggle with a good dose of mommy-guilt that we brought Jocelyn into this world and now may not ever be able to give her the sibling she requests so often. We just didn't think that baby #2 would be this hard. And, since this is our last attempt, it's important to accept that God has this. There is nothing that I could have done differently to help make this work... nothing. This transfer is going to be in God's hands now. And we just have to pray that She takes phone requests.


03/26/2013 6:21pm

That's all we can do, pray. You are absolutely doing everything you can to be blessed again. I wish my first IVF worked. Hugs!


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    My Story

    Infertility has been messing with my family for the past five years. We've seen amazing highs and the most heartbreaking of lows; but with each passing cycle, we've grown a little closer, a little crazier, and a little more willing to just eat the freaking pineapple core. 


    February 2013
    January 2013