Delicate red mini roses surrounded by tufts of baby's breath, rich dark chocolates filled with raspberry creme, sexy innuendo-filled dinners by fluttering candlelight--be damned. It's cycle time. And nothing else matters when it's cycle time. 
Valentine who?

It's amazing how much will fall completely from your radar when you're preparing to cycle. Sometimes it's because you only have so many brain cells to process everything that IVF demands of you. 

How can I think about making dinner reservations when I'm still waiting for a callback from the andrology lab to schedule my husband's next "specimen drop off?" I'm trying to mentally keep track of my estrogen, progesterone, TSH, and FSH levels; I can't even consider listing 101 reasons why I love you. 

Other times, it's because you're physically unable to enjoy the things you used to. Thank you, Metformin, for making it impossible for me to enjoy chocolate. Thank you, birth control pill, for that little nagging headache I carry around with me all day. And while I'm at it--thank you, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Synthroid, and prenatal vitamin for keeping me from traveling on an aircraft any time soon. All these pills? I can explain. 

And sometimes, as is the case for me right now, you completely lose interest in everything else because you're storing up your emotional energy for whatever this IVF cycle delivers. You may need vast stores of joy and exhilaration if your beta comes back positive. Or, God forbid it, you may need to tap into reserves of tears and drain every last ounce of strength from your heart just to keep going. So, you pause; waiting with wide eyes and a chewed lower lip to figure out what you're going to need to feel next. It's just part of the emotional cost of doing business when it comes to infertility.

So, while everyone is enjoying a very romantic Valentine's Day, we'll be here--at home--discussing sperm counts, follicle stimulating hormones, and how the hell we're going to pay for all of this.



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    My Story

    Infertility has been messing with my family for the past five years. We've seen amazing highs and the most heartbreaking of lows; but with each passing cycle, we've grown a little closer, a little crazier, and a little more willing to just eat the freaking pineapple core. 


    February 2013
    January 2013