Today was transfer day! This afternoon, at approximately 3:15 p.m., we transferred two, beautiful, PGD-tested embryos. Now, we wait with fingers crossed to find out if one (or both!) stuck!

It's crazy how this day sneaks up on you, especially after a long, drawn out fresh ivf cycle. The build up is relatively painless, if you don't count the pain of the progesterone injections. And the timing is quick... just a few weeks from start to finish. There's no worrying about follicles or timing trigger shots. There's no painful recovery from surgery, no anesthesia, and no worrying about OHSS.

The one thing that is the same though--exactly the same--is the nervous energy, the desperate feeling that you'd give ANYTHING for these embies to stick, and the killer anticipation that follows as you wait for beta day. And that's where I am now... nervous, desperate, and anticipating a bfp in 9 days when I go for my beta.

Until then, I'll be chowing down on pineapple core and popping Benedryl like it's Pez. And, of course, trying to figure out exactly when to start the hpts. It would be nice to be one of those ladies who can wait until the beta, but I have the patience of a housefly. I'll POAS by the end of the week. 

Sticky thoughts!!!

I was looking forward to Cycle Day One again, but not like before. Before, I was almost giddy with anticipation. I felt happy to walk into my RE's office again. It felt like a fresh start... a happy beginning. 

This time around, preparing for our 9th IVF cycle, I'm feeling a little more beaten down and a little more damaged. I'm hesitant to feel excited about this again--and with good reason, obviously. I thought we had nailed it... pregnant for a whole 7 weeks. It was a devastating turn of events when things went wrong, and although I'm physically over it, I'm not quite sure how emotionally over it I am.

We talked about whether or not we should continue. We've reached that point where carrying on with another cycle sounds exhausting, and calling it quits brings the promise of a a deep sigh of relief--from us and from our wallets. But we have these 4 frozen embies waiting for us, and I know that if we let them go, I would wonder for the rest of my life if one of them could have been my daughter's little brother or sister. 

We can't quit now. We can see the finish line. If we make it through all four of the embies and come away empty handed, we'll at least know that we tried everything. And if it works, well, then we've won our final battle with infertility. But either way. there's no time for wallowing in sadness--we're racing biological clocks here.

So, we're trudging ahead and already a week into this next transfer cycle. I started Estrace last week to build my lining and, after bloodwork and ultrasound today, have been given orders to double the dosage. I'll go back in on Friday for another check to see how my lining is doing. We're anticipating that I'll be ready to start Progesterone at that point. 

It's happening so fast. My head is spinning. But, with a finish line in sight, I know we're doing the right thing. We're squeezing every freaking bit of juice out of this lemon and, hopefully, it will all be worth it in the end.

Well, here we are again-back at the start of another IVF cycle. It feels a bit like Chutes & Ladders... just when you think you're about to win the game, you land on that damn chute that sends you careening right back to the beginning. But we've dusted ourselves off and are ready to try again.

We met with our RE a few weeks ago to talk about what went wrong with our last cycle. He didn't have any real answers... just speculation about what could have happened. Unfortunately, not much about my reproductive system makes sense, so it's impossible to know for sure. 

It could have been that our embryo, although biopsied and deemed chromosomally normal, was mosaic-ed. So the cells that were biopsied happened to be normal, but the rest of the embryo was not. It could have also been that the embryo was forced away from the lining when a subchorionic hematoma ruptured. Very rare, but possible.


The important point of our conversation with our RE was that there's nothing we can do differently. We have now run every test that we can possibly run. I gave 15 vials of blood just before this appointment to look for clotting disorders, lupus, thyroid disorders, protein abnormalities... everything came back negative. I had another saline sonogram to check for anything suspicious in my uterus... everything looked great. Now, we just have to try again.


I'm on a cocktail of estrogen and progesterone right now to build my lining in preparation for my "endometrial disruption" on Friday. This 30-second biopsy-like procedure will hopefully create a healthy, white-blood-cell-filled lining when we start building things back up again after my period.