At that point, we decided we were finished with IVF. It was an expensive and emotionally draining road for us to travel, and we had been tapped out of both... no money... no emotion. We had nothing left to give to the process.
We destroyed our vials of frozen sperm, filed away our cycle flow sheets and insurance paperwork, brought our leftover medications to the township's "Medical Waste Disposal Day," and moved all of our bags of baby clothes and gear to the attic until we were strong enough to throw them away.
But somewhere, in the very back of my biological-clock-driven brain, I knew we weren't finished. I knew that we would somehow find the financial and spiritual means to make it to another CD1. And here we are.
This year was filled with challenges.
- Challenge 1: Lose weight.
- Challenge 2: Lower blood pressure and cholesterol.
- Challenge 3: Get thyroid function to a healthy and stable range.
- Challenge 4: Cut artificial sweeteners completely.
- Challenge 5: Make peace with God and his plan for us.
- Challenge 6: Save up $20,000 (or find a place to borrow it from).
- Challenge 7: Restock our sperm bank.
- Challenge 8: Ignore the nay-sayers.
We accomplished everything on our list, and we feel good about the position we're in right now. It's going to be another challenging adventure, no doubt, but at least this time, we know that we did everything we could to make this happen. The rest is out of our control.
I'm celebrating Cycle Day One tomorrow by drawing a big, fat CD1 on my calendar in hot pink Sharpie marker... because this one is permanent... this one is gonna stick.